That wasn't a feeling I wanted to sit in, especially since I'd thought I was going to be doing something a lot more fun and athletic, so I beelined straight to my desktop and booted up one of my favorite games, a sort of sandbox experience that was known for both mining and crafting, but I mostly used it to create elaborate gardens and overwrought zoos for digital creatures that didn't exist.
It didn't take long to get onto the server I'd been part of for about five years, and sure enough, I saw a familiar username at the top of the online members list. TweetyGurl96. AKA my best friend.
The fact that my best friend was someone I met in a game about putting different blocks down and that we'd never met in person wasn't lost on me, but it was really amazing how well people could get to know each other after talking online for years.
For example, I knew she was a harpy. Neither of us had come right out of the gate with the news that we were magical.
We'd both dropped hints here and there without thinking, tiny details that only someone of the magical world would catch.
After a year of us chatting, I'd messaged her and asked outright.
It was a risk, for sure, especially if I was wrong.
Thankfully, I wasn't, and we'd gotten closer than ever.
Another year later, she finally told me the reason she spent so much time online was because she was a harpy with no wings, and because of that, she had no flock, no one of her own kind she was close to, which was why she lived alone in a one-bedroom apartment on the other side of the city.
Talk about twinsies, except mine was a two-bedroom, in the hopes that the extra space would allow me to grow into it.
What are you doing here? her message popped up in the chat.
Although I liked many people on the server, I wasn't about to blast my personal business to everyone. Not to mention, I was pretty sure we were the only non-humans on it, so I didn't need to be blabbing about the foibles of trying to date other wolves.
Call? I typed.
TweetyGurl96: Righteo!
Less than a single beat later, the familiar doo-doo-doot from our least favorite but most used app for communication went off. I answered so fast that it took several seconds for it to actually connect.
"Please tell me he was beset by a sudden stomach bug, and you're not here because he turned out to be a bigoted jerkwad," she said right out of the gate, her voice full of chagrin—the negative kind, of course.
"Wolves don't get stomach bugs," I answered with a sigh.
Talking to her instantly took the edge off the pain still trying to nettle its way through my every limb.
Sometimes it really sucked to feel things as intensely as I did in a world that seemed to demand that everyone be as chill and unbothered as possible.
Couldn't be me.
"You're kidding me! This was what, your third date? Normally, they expose themselves way before then."
I laughed. "Thank witches for the instant blur and block feature anytime someone tries that literally." In the early days of scry-o-tech, many people were inundated with pics of dicks of all shapes, sizes, and species. It seemed that being a scuzzball was not exclusive to humans.
"Hah! Right? But that's not what I meant."
"I know, I know, I just couldn't resist." I heaved a sigh.
"But yeah, Jason had me fooled. I'm always up front about being a latent shifter, so if someone's gonna be a dick, that usually reveals them right off the bat," I said with a sigh.
"Of course, you'd probably wonder why they swipe on me if they think I'm not a real wolf, but it turns out that most of them just swipe on every woman without even looking until they hit their scrying limit. "
"So stupid. This app is supposed to be for connection, and so many of these douches are turning it into a hookup thing."
It was so validating to bitch with someone who got it.
For so much of my life, I was largely alone in what I was experiencing, so finding Tweety had been a real godsend.
I really hoped we could hang out in public one day, but my digital friend was incredibly busy and quite nervous about navigating human society.
I wouldn't mind popping over to her place—I had her address in case of emergency, but she hadn't given me permission yet.
I figured, judging from things she said about herself, she was kind of messy.
And while I didn't care, I understood she might be embarrassed showing me that side of her.
"I think I might give up on dating for a while. Maybe once I age out of breedable territory, I won't get so many knotheads worrying about me passing on my defective genes to any offspring."
"I mean, that's not the worst idea," Tweety said with a sigh that crackled through my headphones. "But I dunno, you're such a romantic. It feels kind of wrong that you have to go without just because wolves can't wrap their furry heads around your… uh, situation."
My situation. What a funny way to say my genetic or magical mutation that caused me to miss out on one of those basic parts of being a wolf shifter. Whomp-whomp.
"Yeah, but you know what? I've fought too hard to carve out my own little slice of peace to waste time on them. I'd rather spend time with people who value me for who I am."
"I admire your spirit, Puppygurl4lyfe," Tweety said.
As usual, I blushed. I'd chosen my gamertag when I was just fourteen and looking forward to getting my inner wolf after being told that I was a late bloomer. I supposed I could just change the tag, but Tweety was the only one who ever called me that.
"You know you can just call me Naomi."
"Of course I do, Puppygurl4lyfe."
That got a slight chuckle out of me. I was extremely grateful for Tweety's levity.
It was a bright point I needed to stop me from slipping into a self-hating spiral.
I'd spent far too much of my twenties loathing myself for something I couldn't help, and I did not want to regress into those old habits.
Sure, I didn't have an inner wolf, but that didn't mean I wasn't a person worth getting to know. Worth spending time around.
A person worth falling in love with.
That thought sobered me, but I tried my best not to get stuck in the mire. So instead, I drew a breath and decided to focus on things I did enjoy. Like my best friend.
"Who cares about these losers? Why don't we have a girls' night?
We could go sing karaoke"—after all, what harpy didn't like shrieking into a mic?
—"go bar hopping, or… ooh, we can have unlimited crab legs at this Chinese buffet by you that's run by actual shifters.
They don't kick us out for eating too much, they just charge a fee. "
A godsend, really, considering since even the smallest animal shifter had caloric needs and an appetite that a huge bodybuilder couldn't quite keep up with.
Since I had no inner wolf, mine was quite a bit reduced compared to that of my siblings, but I could still put away much more than anyone would expect of a human woman of my stature.
"Aw, you know, I'd love to, but I'm so wiped from all this research I've been doing on my latest article. I kinda wanna stay in and brain rot, ya know?"
"I get it," I said, although I couldn't help but feel a bit wistful about hanging out with her in person. "But one of these days, we're gonna make it work."
"Oh yeah, absolutely! We'll definitely chill. Timing's just not right, right now."
"I getcha…" I managed not to heave a sigh, but it was close. "But you'll have tonight to hang out on the server?"
"For sure! Since Mr. Loser McGee decided to pass on a baddie with a fatty, I guess I'm the one who wins."
Now that startled an actual bark of laughter out of me. "I dunno about a fatty," I chuckled. Yes, for my height I was definitely curvy, but sometimes I felt more square and bloated than deliciously hourglass in silhouette.
"I do! I helped you pick your outfit, remember? And the matching third date underwear set."
"True that. And you only wolf-whistled three times."
"I was respecting the culture of your people, duh," she retorted, and there it was, our usual rhythm coming back. "Man, if either of us swung both ways, we could save a lot of time and just date each other." Now it was her turn to let out a dramatic sigh. "Although you're way out of my league."
"No, I'm not!"
No one as funny, supportive, smart, and kind as her could be ugly. It was like Roald Dahl said. Sure, he had some real doozies of ideas in his personal life, but his writing about people who were beautiful on the inside growing more and more lovely as you got to know them was completely true.
"Girl, you totally are. You've got thighs that can crush a man's skull, that soft little tummy thing that's just insane, a killer rack, a thick ass, and possibly the thickest, healthiest hair I've seen despite you dyeing the shit out of it."
I blushed. Even though Tweety was completely straight and I was only into men and mascs, I valued her opinion and appreciated her praise. After all, what was female friendship without at least a little bit of hitting on each other?
"I can't help it that I look good with every hair color I try," I said in mock defense.
I liked changing up my hair, partially because it was fun, and partially because some part of me hoped that somehow, if I found the perfect shade, it would make me alluring enough for someone to overlook my missing pieces.
"Damn right you can't. And don't you forget it!
" We shared a laugh. It wasn't belly-shaking or roof-raising, but it didn't need to be.
It was just love and acceptance right when I needed it.
"You know, all this makes me wish we could just date humans sometimes. After all, you and I live in their territory, so it'd be mad easy.
"I mean, I know they have their own problems—"
"A lot of problems," I interrupted.
"Yeah, fo sho, but like, weirdly enough, they seem less rigid in some things than the paranormal world. Don't they modify themselves in all sorts of ways?
And look at all the things they've done so differently abled people can have access to things.
Ramps, deaf and blind colleges—they even invented multiple languages for that kind of stuff!
When has our society done anything like that for us?
We have magic, and I still can't even get rudimentary prosthetic wings to stop my spine from curving forward! "
She had a point there. While humans did have a horrible history of killing each other for the silliest things, they also defied the often ruthless nature of life and provided for their weakest, their hurt, their elderly, and their sick.
The disabled, the differently abled, and those who just needed a little help.
It wasn't as prevalent now as it had been before I was born, or at least that was what I was told, but I definitely saw the remnants of that grace all around.
"Fair point. But dating a human? Sounds like one of those cheesy rom-coms that the LifeScry channel plays."
"Hah, right? Pretty ridiculous."
We continued to banter as we played, me working on a new iron farm to collect resources while Tweety made a flying course for the digital wings her character had.
Before I knew it, my alarm to get ready for bed was going off, and I had to excuse myself.
Honestly, I would have loved to stay up and play all night, but I couldn't let down the six doggos that were relying on me to get them out and to the park on time.
I may have been a disappointment to my family, but I wasn't about to be one to the pets under my care.
"Think you'll be able to hop on tomorrow?" Tweety asked as I headed to my base and clicked on my digital bed out of habit.
"Oh yeah, for sure. It's a lighter day. I have my morning crew, then my afternoon crew and that's it. Fridays are usually the lightest because people actually have time to spend with their little nuggets."
"Makes sense, makes sense! It's a date."
I couldn't help it when a little bitterness seeped out. "Yeah, probably the only date I'll have for a while." I heard her draw in a breath to counter me, so I quickly moved on. I'd had enough pep talk and mostly wanted to wind down. "See you tomorrow evening!"
"See you!"
I logged off and shut down my computer, going about my regular bedtime ritual in my modest apartment. But when I slid into my satin sheets and under my weighted blanket, I was still wide awake.
So much of the day played itself back multiple times as I turned it this way and that, trying to see if there was some sign or obvious clue I'd missed. But more than anything else, my mind came back to Tweety's offhanded comment.
All this makes me wish we could just date humans sometimes.
Date a human?
It ping-ponged through my brain, refusing to let me drift off. Finally, I let out a groan of frustration and grabbed my phone from the charger on my nightstand.
A few quick swipes later, I was in the app store. A few swipes after that, I was downloading a human dating app with the silly name of ByChance.
Once that was done, I didn't even bother to open it. That could wait until tomorrow. I had satisfied the relentless itch in my brain, and that was enough for now.
Besides, it wasn't like anything would come of it.